but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
