she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
