love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
