He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
