Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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