I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I am puke
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
