Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize