big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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