Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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