i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
