The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
