Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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