my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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