I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
