This is not my ceiling
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
