College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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