i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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