If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
