Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
