Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
