C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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