So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
