flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
