mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Your dad touched me again.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
