I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
