your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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