Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
