I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
