Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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