and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
