Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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