apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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