shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
