end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize