Three words: puerto rican gang bang
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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