she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
