He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
