remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
