you guys were way drunker than both of me
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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