Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you win again, gameday.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
