We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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