champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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