She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
