There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
