we have pet lesbian snakes
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
