there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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