God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
