Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
