it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
