whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
