Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
