The best revenge is premature balding
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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