he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
