he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
