I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
