she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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