I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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