i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
