Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
