I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
