mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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