Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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