Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
