I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
