I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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