You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
