i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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